The Difference

Being called a babysitter doesn’t bother me as long as it is not said with disrespect. I know my worth. My clients know my worth. A single word does not change that. “Childcare provider” is quite a mouthful, anyway.

I understand why some providers are upset by the term, though. It is sometimes used with the intent of making us feel small. I call bullshit. A babysitter, even someone who is “just a babysitter” should not feel small. A parent trusted you with the most important thing they have to guard and protect. That is not small. If they think it is, that is their own sad issue, not ours.

Yet a difference does remain between a babysitter and a childcare provider, at least in their connotations. A babysitter is commonly thought of as someone who comes to your house and plays with your children while you grocery shop or see a movie. Their job is to play with your children, feed them and put them to bed, all while keeping them safe. It is generally for a short, infrequent period of time.

A childcare provider, on the other hand, is often with your child for as much as nine hours a day, five days a week. A provider’s job is to do everything a babysitter does, all the playing, love and nurture, safe keeping and fun, while also giving your child a basic education. Even if your child does not attend preschool they are receiving an education with their provider, or at least they should be. From birth to three years old is some of the most important learning time in a child’s life. They are beginning to understand concepts, both social and cognitive, and need a safe, nurturing environment to explore and learn.

Many parents do not understand the role of play in learning. We all hear about it, and usually believe it, but not everyone understands it. Your childcare provider understands it and understands how to make it work. We attend trainings and workshops, we call on each other’s vast experience, many of us have received a formal education in early childhood education. Trust us. We are teaching your child valuable lessons everyday. From finger painting to puppet theater, we know what we are doing. We know why it matters.

I don’t mind if you call me a babysitter… as long as you know the difference.

The Blame Game (guest blog)

Monday we had a situation in the toddler room. One little girl said “oh shit” and by the end of the day we had a group of tiny sailors saying “oh shit” and giggling. We decided to ignore it completely and by the next day the sailors had been replaced by charming toddlers again, at least in the center. At home was another story.

Thursday morning a mother confronted me to ask if anyone had been using bad language around the children. I was going to tell her the “oh shit” story but she interrupted me to say her daughter had picked up the phrase “god damn” which we take a little more seriously because it is more offensive, in my opinion. I let her know that she could be confident that neither myself nor my employees used that language around the children. We say a lot of interesting things during the day in place of swear words but we do not swear. I thought the case was closed until her husband called me on his lunch break to give me an earful, an earful of swear words, that is. He said “god damn” almost every other sentence so I felt it was time to explain that their darling daughter was the culprit behind the “oh shit” fiasco on Monday. He paused for a moment before admitting his wife had said “oh shit” when she dropped bleach that weekend. this doesn’t shock or surprise or bother me. I know we all say a lot worse in our homes at times and our children and their sweet ears will recover.

Her father was embarassed and felt awful and her mother looked absolutely terrified to drop her off this morning. This is completely unnecessary and I hope they get over it soon. We want them to feel comfortable with us.

I’m telling you this story because in over 20 years of childcare I have been blamed for cussing, diaper rash, sunburns, mean names, rude phrases and any number of unpleasant habits or conditions. I had a mother blame me for her child’s weight problem because my menu said I served cookies. We had animal crackers or vanilla wafers once a week and called it cookies because it made the kids happy. Happy, not fat. (A cookie or two at daycare will not make your kids fat. McDonald’s every night for dinner will, though.) Every childcare provider I know has been at the wrong end of a pointed finger more times than they can count.

I’m just asking, perhaps cautioning, that you first examine your own lifestyle and your own habits before you point at me. If you always change your child the moment they wet and say fudge and fiddlesticks instead of their counterparts and you can absolutely 100% assure me that your child has not heard a sibling, grandparent, cartoon character or stranger in the mall say or do the particular habit you are concerned about then I am willing to consider that possibly my employee slipped up.

We don’t slip up on diaper changes. We have a schedule. Your child gets changed regularly in daycare even if they aren’t wet and more if they are prone to BMs outside of regular changing times. We use the ointment you provide.

If your child is hurt in my care you can blame me for that but only if they have never been hurt in your care and if you are certain they never will be hurt in your care. Can you control that? Then don’t blame me that I cannot control that.

We’re all in this together, let’s act that way.

A Message To Parents, Providers and Commenters

First, let me apologize for our absence. Many of our main collaborators have had some big family things happening recently. We’re all slowly finding a calm place and getting ready to write again.

Next, I’d like to address some of the comments that we’ve been getting. I am truly shocked at how few angry comments we’ve gotten so far. Clearly I am slacking in the promotional department. The more readers we get the more hate mail I expect. I can handle it. It seems we come off as hating our jobs, which means you are only reading some of the blogs, and that’s fine, I don’t expect any of you to have time to read them all. We do clearly state in the about us  section that we are here to deliver a message to parents. Did you honestly expect it to be about the joys of childcare? There are a million of those blogs already and not one has the word bitchy in the title. I checked.

This is from our first blog:

Our hope is that when we do get bitchy, because we will, that you do not lose sight of the fact that we chose our path because we wanted to work with children. We want to teach, comfort and nurture them. Sometimes we need to be reminded of this fact, as well. We chose childcare because we love children.

I have had strong, wonderful bonds with many of the parents I have worked with over the years. Most providers I have talked to feel the same. That’s not what this blog is about. This blog is about the parents that piss us off, the ones that try to take advantage of us and make us look bad, the ones who disrespect us and put us down while trusting us with their most valuable possesion.

I’m sure I’ll have to post this reminder from time to time. This is not a blog about the beauty of raising children, it is a blog about the displeasure of working with some parents who do not appreciate that we recognize that beauty.

Now, a message specifically to the other providers. Parents, you can read, too, but you won’t get much out of it.

As I mentioned, most families are terrific. They appreciate our knowledge and experience and desire to work with young children. I have had parents compliment my patience, my creativity with lesson planning, my ability to redirect, any number of qualities I had not seen in myself without their help. Other parents are indifferent. They are respectful and glad their children are safe and the relationship ends there. It’s the other parents you have to watch out for, the ones we write about here.

There is one iron clad, fool proof way to not be disrespected and taken advantage of in this profession- your contract and policy handbook. Stick to it! Do not be afraid to dig it out and say, “On page 2 of the contract it specifically states Johnny may not bring handguns to class.” If it doesn’t already say it, then write it! It’s your contract, publish an addendum and have everyone sign it. (If you work in a center you do not direct this may be a little trickier but at least try talking to your director.)

I feel no contract gets tossed aside and less respect than that of the childcare provider. We are, as a general rule, nice people. We work with kids because we are friendly and caring. That does not always bode well for our backbone and when we do use them people think we are being bitchy. The comments left here are an example of that. We are being rude and must hate our jobs because we want parents to follow the rules laid out in the contract? That is absurd. It’s not unfair or unkind to expect parents to follow the rules, in fact it doesn’t help anyone when you let them slack. You would not believe how many times I have heard, “Well, my last sitter usually waived the late fee the first few times.” Yeah, and I notice she also told you ti kick rocks which is why your kid is in my care and I don’t waive late fees because my electric company won’t let me pay them in Trident Layers.

My message, providers, is to collectively vag up and stand up for yourself. I’m here to help.

How To Know If You’re The “Problem Parent” At Your Daycare

Many parents are concerned with whether or not their child is the problem child at daycare. Some ask bluntly, others nose around the question Some are curious because their child has a lot of incident and discipline reports but others ask because they are just generally curious how their child behaves at school. (Those curious parents almost always have well behaved children. That’s not a scientific fact, just my experience, but I stand by it.) Your kids are fine. Even if your child is the “problem child” in my group I will never let you know, at least not in those terms.

Enough about the kids, they’ll be fine. They need redirection, attention and a nap. What is it you need? A copy of the policy handbook? A fresh look at the contract? A smack upside the head with the common sense stick? A nap?

Take a break from worrying about your child’s behavior and examine your own. Just as your child’s classroom or homecare center has rules posted you also have a set of rules and I would assume you signed a contract stating you read those rules. Take a moment to dig the parent handbook out of your trunk or out from under that stack of Cosmopolitan magazines and freshen up. We’re going to discuss the top 10 phrases that reveal if you are the Problem Parent at your center.

If you have ever texted, typed or utttered one of these phrases you may need a time out:

1. “I know its past breakfast but I didn’t have time to feed him. Can you get him something really quick?”  First of all, how do you get here after breakfast but not have time to stop somewhere or give the kid a granola bar? I managed to snort my own breakfast down and feed everyone else and clean it all up before you even walked in the door. Your request poses different problems for different providers. In most daycare centers the time after breakfast is learning time. The tables are being used for activities. Breakfast is cleaned up and possibly even carted away, depending on how the center is arranged. Teachers/providers are busy with carpet time and leading activities. There isn’t a lot of down time for hanging out with one child.
2. “Can you get her up from nap early today? She isn’t sleeping well at home.” Variations of this include: “Can you lay her down a little later than that? At home we nap at 1:30.” and “Can my mom/aunt/sister/best friend from college pick her up today right smack dab in the middle of nap? I’m going to be busy.” A lot of parents are not aware that napping during the day is actually conducive to better sleeping at night, not worse. I get that. I also get that you want to keep your nice home routine but I have news for you. We have a routine here, as well. All the kids lay down at rest time and get up when it is over. No one comes or goes during that time. The lights stay low, no one makes a noise. You have 1, 2 maybe even 3 kids to keep on schedule. I have an entire center full of children to keep on schedule. Do not disturb my nap time. Er, I mean, their nap time.
3. “The menu says you’re having nachos with salsa on top but he doesn’t like salsa, can you put cheese on them instead” Oh sure, and I’m sure the other 11 boys and girls won’t immediately attack him Lord Of The Flies Style and steal his beloved cheese. Are you serious? Have you ever tried changing the menu for just one child in a room full of children? More importantly though, are you absolutely certain your child doesn’t like salsa? Maybe you’ve never served it or you served it once and he hated it but I’m willing to bet you haven’t served it the 20-40 times that experts recommend you serve a new item before children will become familiar with it and possibly give it a real try. Don’t worry, your childcare provider will handle that. just step back and let them do their work.
4. “I forgot her winter coat.” Well then, take her home and get it. We go outside everyday unless the weather is dangerous. I can not make everyone else stay in because you forgot her coat and I can’t take her out without it. This includes her hat, gloves and boots and likely, snow pants.
5. “We’re out of diapers. Can I borrow from another child until tomorrow?” Gross. Why do people say “borrow” when they mean “take” because you know they aren’t returning that. No, go to the store and get some damn diapers. You may not inconvenience anyone else to convenience yourself. This is a teaching moment, I hope you’re learning from it. Maybe when your boss rips you a new one for being late you’ll get the point.
6. “Let’s stand here and discuss my child’s beahvior in front of him and all the other children while they run wild and unattended.” Okay, so no parent has ever actually suggested that, you get the point. Schedule a quick conference, call me later, read the daily notes I send home, anything but this.
7. “Sorry we’re so early. Speaking of which, I’m going tobe a little late tonight.” Hahahaha… no. My time off the clock is expensive, be prepared to pay today. If you are always late or always early or a combination of both you are seriously disrespecting your provider’s time. It’s rude. Stop and buy your kid that granola bar on the way in. Get off of Facebook and leave your office a few minutes earlier at night. Do not waste my time because in my contract it states you will pay a very high fee for that. I have kids/pets/hobbies to get to, too.
8. “Bobby, its time to go.” Repeat. Repeatedly. Just pick him up and walk out. Do something. You are disrupting my group. Don’t worry about me, I want you to go home, I won’t judge your methods.
9. “Susie said Sally kept taking toys from her yesterday.” The hell you say. A two year old is taking another two year old’s toys away? Contact CNN. Get the toddler whisperer on the phone to help. Or… suck it up and realize Little Susie probably jacked a few toys from Sally yesterday, too, because they’re two. This goes for kids pushing eachother, name calling, not taking turns, cutting in line, all the common tattles. It hurts to hear your child had a rough day at daycare. Kids are jerks to eachother more often than any parent wants to admit but they are usually best friends again in minutes. Don’t be a hero. They need to learn to work things out themselves.
10. “Why do you get so many sick days?” Why do you bring your kid to daycare with a fever and snot on his shirt?

 

Policies are put in place to protect all the children, including your own. I would personally like to see more providers insist that their guidelines are adhered to, even at your inconvenience. Children learn what they live. Respect my rules.

 

 

A quick note about Facebook

I can’t figure out how to add a “like” button to a WordPress blog. I started a new page for us today and I will be posting great articles, websites and information so please “like” us and tell your friends. I’ll get this stupid plugin figured out eventually.

Two Bitchy Baby Sitters on Facebook

Just testing something, ignore me!

 

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I’m judging you right back.

Last night as I put my dog in the kennel I recalled an incident from my center care days. I have to put my dog in his kennel because he chews up all my things, but worse, he made himself sick one night getting into things in the kitchen.  Now he has a swank, top of the line kennel to call a place of his own. I also got a few child safety gates back out of storage to keep him in the parts of the house that I feel are most suited for him. I also try to keep the kitchen safe for him, but its a kitchen, full of things dogs don’t need so he has no reason to be in there.  Sound familiar?

Using safety devices isn’t lazy or inhumane. Nearly every home in America with toddlers also has a gate. I was going to claim I don’t know anyone who doesn’t put their baby to bed in a crib or bassinet at night, but parents who subscribe to attachment parenting and co-sleeping do not. That’s cool, good for them. It’s not for me. If its for you then some of this may not pertain to you. But I digress. Most of us use gates. Most of us use cribs. Your childcare center absolutely does everything possible to keep your child safe.

Including using a safety harness.

*gasp*

I am not claiming every center in America uses safety harnesses but every center I have worked for, including my own, used the safety harness at some point for some reason. It is likely your child is on a walk right now with a dozen other children with the use of what we call “hand friends” or safety tethers. You might call it a leash. Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, please take a moment to read and absorb what I have to say.

I have read all the controversy on the child leash. Parents think it is lazy and degrading. I disagree. Have you ever tried to take two or more toddlers on a walk? There is nothing lazy about that adventure. Add an infant or two. Any parent or provider with infants and toddlers who gets out the door for fresh air is far from lazy. I think it is far more degrading to strap your child down in a seat and not let them move, explore or enjoy the outdoors. Sometimes a stroller is necessary, but as far as I’m concerned it is a last resort. As long as your are judging me you should know I’m judging you right back. You’re too lazy to let your kid walk around and you’re strapping them down in a seat with no freedoms.

(It’s not lazy every single time, obviously, there are times strollers are more fitting than tethers.)

The incident I mentioned happened when I worked in a center. We used “hand friends” to walk the two year old class to the library across the street. There were 10 two year olds and for an outing such as this, 4 teachers. No matter how you arrange it 4 teachers can’t hold 10 hands without some assistance. We had done it this way for over a decade, since the tether had been introduced, I imagine. A father, leaving work early, came to pick his daughter up early and was furious to discover she was on a leash. He threw a fit. She threw a fit. It was chaotic. He wanted assurance we would never put his daughter on a leash again and we could not, no, would not, give that to him. We had a policy, a set way of doing things for the safety of all the children. We couldn’t let his daughter walk unattended. Other kids would want to walk unattended and, seriously, she’d just be walking across the street alone at two years old. Most importantly though, it was our policy, and we did not break policy. Policy is there for the safety of your child and all the children involved.

Did I mention his daughter also threw a fit? Her hand friend was purple and she didn’t want to take it off.

The following is a list of pros and cons from my point of view. Please take a moment to actually consider them.

Safety Harness Pros

• There is an obesity epidemic in America, even with our children. With a safety harness your toddler can get much needed excersize.
• Children need movement in order to learn. This is a fact. If you want your child to sit still during carpet time make sure they are moving plenty when it is allowed. If you want them to concentrate you have to let them roam.
• Safety. Duh. In a harness your child is less likely to run in the street, get snatched, get tangled up in some idiot’s legs while he walks and texts at the same time, et cetera.
• Freedom to explore. This is not an option in a stroller or sling.
• There are many good arguments to be made about the safety harness and special needs children but this is beyond my area of expertise. I would love to hear your point of view.
• Obviously for a parent or provider with two or more children there are limited options for going on walks, attending field trips, going to the mall or almost anything you may take for granted on a daily basis. Just because your own child stands beside you and never strays or sits obediently in a stroller does not mean every child does. Some children are more curious than others and frankly, I enjoy watching the child that wants to roam far more than the one that wants to sit. (that’s my personal preference, there is much to be said for the quiet, content child.) Curiosity does not make these children naughty or their parents lazy.
• Using a harness actually requires more work and attention than a stroller. You can’t strap your child down and ignore him like I see constantly in malls, zoos, walking trails and anywhere that strollers are found. It annoys the hel out of me that people can point fingers at a parent letting a child get some excersize and explore his world but no one says a word as children writhe in their strollers, cry and beg to be let out- because those parents are the majority.

Safety Harness Cons

• People will look at you like you’re an asshole.
• It provides a false sense of security. Some parents rely too heavily on the harness. You still have to watch your child. This is true of most safety devices. Pay attention. You are a lazy parent if you rely too heavily on any device. Especially the stroller. Let your kid walk sometimes.
• Some children do not handle a harness any better than the stroller. If they fight the harness it could break and they could be hurt.
• A harness is actually more work than a stroller. (Which is why I have never understood the “lazy” debate.) This should possibly be under “pros” as well because when your child is in a harness you can’t ignore them like you do in a stroller. You have to actually pay attention. In fact, I’m heading up to revise my pros and add this under both. Deal with it. For every time you have judged a parent misusing their harness you have probably also ignored a parent that is not paying attention to their child in a stroller or sling.

The science behind a safety harness is almost exactly like that of a stroller or car seat. The only difference is mobility. I do not understand why it is such a controversial subject. Yes, we put dogs on leashes for their safety. We also use the same gates for dogs as we do our children. At night you kennel your dog and lay your baby in the safety of his crib. During the day your dog may use the kennel at times and you may put your baby in a play yard or saucer. Do not think you are above a parent who lets their child walk. You wouldn’t put your dog in a stroller because he needs the excersize, don’t limit your child’s excersize and exploration because of a social stigma.

Down With The Sickness

‘Tis the season! ‘Tis the season for snot-nosed brats, that is. If you work in childcare the term “snot-nosed brat” takes on a whole new meaning. Don’t worry, we still love your babies, but they get bratty when they’re sick. And snotty. Literally. So why are you dumping them on us? That’s unfair, not just to your provider, but more importantly, your child.

Ask any provider in any setting what a “dope and drop” is and you’ll be surprised at the loathing and ire that unites us all. You know what a dope and drop is, even if you don’t know what its called. “Dope” does not refer to your drug of choice unless your drug of choice is children’s Tylenol and  the “drop” is not so much a package as your own precious child. You think we don’t know about that? The policy clearly states children with fevers may not attend so you drown them in fever reducer and kick them to the curb before we can see the lethargy in their eyes and the snot on their lip.

Children of speaking age almost always out their parents, just so you know. “what did you have for breakfast?” “Grape Ibuprofen but Kyle threw his up!” And the ones who can’t talk don’t need to anyway. You drop them off stoned, they play about 4 hours and the fever starts just as the Tylenol wears off. We’re not ignorant, just too professional to point out your pants are on fire.

A health policy also generally states that they may not attend if they have been throwing up or diarrhea is leaking out of their pants or if they have a rash, yet you bring them, blissfully ignorant of the mayhem you cause, as long as you get to your job on time without losing any personal days. It’s disturbing and I think you need to understand why these policies are in place to better grasp why you’re being a jerk.

• Your child is miserable. Maybe he wasn’t last night but he was in his own comfortable bed last night. Now he is in a childcare setting, expected to participate in group activities, center play, meals and snacks.
• Your child is making everyone else miserable. Teachers are being pulled away from the group to clean up vomit and diarrhea or simply to comfort your child. Other children are being chased from their favorite center because your child is using it as a rest area.
• Other kids are getting sick. Even Clorox only claims to kill 97% of germs that cause the flu virus. If you bring your child in ill and they manage to touch and lick everything in the room before the Tylenol wears off and we send them home there is a good chance the illness is already center-wide.
• Your provider could get ill. Serves you right.
• EVERYONE ELSE could get sick; your provider, your provider’s children, your providers elderly parent, the grandparents of children that interact with your child, literally everyone.
• Immunizations are done on a schedule. I’m not going to debate that schedule with you but assuming each child is immunized according to the recommendations of the AAP they are all immunized at various ages. So if your child interacts with children of other ages at childcare, either during meals, on the playground or in a home care environment, she is exposing them to illnesses they may be unable to defend.
• This is important so I hope you’re listening. YOUR CHILD DOESN’T WANT TO GO TO DAYCARE SICK. He may wake up excited to go. We all feel better after a good night’s rest. She may ask to go, because frankly, we’re more exciting than home and provide plenty of playmates. Your child may seem fine but there is a reason we write up policy sheets with a list of symptoms to watch for. Your child wants to be with YOU right now, not me.

These reasons may not be compelling enough for you so let me ask you this: Do you want me to allow other children to attend care when they are sick? I’m not a doctor, I can’t promise you that rash isn’t chicken pox or the measles or something worse. That pink eye looks a little like, well, pink eye. His mother needs to work today, though, so she can save her personal day for her sister’s wedding. You understand, right?

I may be more hostile about this blog than others but not without reason. I have worked in an infant room where every single one of the 6 babies became ill with diarrhea because of a sibling in the toddler room attending with rotavirus. Their parents knew they were sick but hoped they could get half a day in before we caught on and called them back. It was less than an hour later when we made them pick the children up. It was inconvenient for them and an extreme annoyance to us but later that week one of our sweet babies was hospitalized for dehydration due to the illness that never should have stepped through our doors in the first place. Of course the parents felt simply awful. Their own children recovered quickly and were fine within a few days, but if you think they felt awful you should meet the parents of the hospitalized baby.

Shame on them and shame on you for thinking it’s okay.

Home Daycare is a business not a hobby. (Revised!)

Yes, you may pay me next week for the last two weeks.

Sure, knock $20 off the bill since your little one was sick Friday and did not attend.

Fine, I can reduce my rates for your child.

I don’t mind bending my rules and breaking my own contract a little as long as you don’t mind that I am unable to afford to pay my bills on time. I will explain to the electric company that I will get them caught up next month. In the meanwhile we will do a lesson plan about fire safety and use candles. It will be fun!

You will need to pack a sack lunch for your child as I will have no means of cooking and no money for groceries. We’ll use it as an opportunity to learn about picnics. Also, please provide extra clothing for your child. I’m concerned it may be chilly without the heat on in here this time of year.

I’m not sure how we will address the restroom issue. Maybe I will teach the little ones the old saying, “If its brown flush it down, if its yellow let it mellow” and keep a bucket of water beside the toilet for those “brown” visits. I should be able to have the water back on in no time, once everyone’s payments are caught up, that is.

I think this will be a wonderful learning experience for your children!

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I’ve been all over the internet lately and this seems to be a hot topic amongst the home care providers and it has me irked that so many parents try to get away with paying their providers late. It seems to be a common misconception that home daycare providers are less professional. Maybe because they work from home parents feel they are not working. Let me put that idea to rest.

Home daycare providers must keep their homes neat, and, above all, sanitary. Everyday while your little angel naps your provider is bleaching the toys, sanitizing the tables, wiping off faucets, sweeping up crumbs and preparing afternoon snack. Very few home daycares have employess and if they do its because they have more children to watch. All of the cooking, cleaning, activity prep, diaper changes and lesson plans fall on one person. That one person works 10 or 11 hours a day with no real break for lunch. Peeing is a chore. It’s likely that she hasn’t had a day off all year and if she did it was to take her own children to the doctor because no matter how much she sanitizes and no matter how bold the print is in her sick policy, parents still bring their contagious children into the center.

The following was not included in the original content of the blog. Thank you to everyone who commented or wrote with additions. Do not forget the work done outside of regular childcare hours. Licensed providers must take ongoing professional development classes. CPR and First Aid certificates must be kept up to date. Lesson plans, menus, calendars and other paperwork needs done, as well. Also, do not overlook the supplies and groceries that not only cost money but require a trip out of the house that can not be made on a lunch break or before the kids are picked up from daycare.

Owning and running a home daycare center is a job. A lot of providers across the net have taken issue with our title “Two Bitchy Babysitters” because they do not like being called or treated like a babysitter. They are professionals and deserve professional treatment. (There is a brief explanation of our name in the “about us” section and in our first blog.)

Treat your provider with the same respect and courtesy you would treat your bank. They are, after all, guarding your most treasured possesion.

Preschool Picassos

I was a preschool teacher for years in different types of schools with different ideas about teaching and learning. One thing that never varied from school to school, director to director, class to class, was the importance of art for all ages of children.

Art is important for many reasons. It keeps children busy with something positive and distracts them from fighting or getting into things. It challenges them to make decisions. It gives them a sense of pride. Art projects allow them to build their muscle control and fine motor skills, and if you’re creative, their large motor skills, too.

I have two pet peeves when it comes to parents and their budding artist. The first seems so simple and obvious to me I can’t believe it needs to be said. Treat your child’s artwork with respect. Do not file it in the outbox without a second glance. Hang it on the fridge or dislay it on the mantel. Tell them why you like it. If it is just a page of scribbles compliment their color choice. Your child is learning about pride and self evaluation, don’t teach him he sucks at art.

Now, my second complaint comes from providers across the web and is less recognized amongst parents and that is partly the fault of some other providers. Art projects should be child directed. Your child is learning to make choices. “What do I want to make? What should I use to make it?” It is my job to provide the tools. It is not my job to do the artwork.

I do not know who to attribute the quote to because I have seen it across the internet and heard it from providers at trainings and conferences but I think it sums up my message perfectly. “Artwork is not a receipt for childcare.”

There are days your child does not feel like doing art but would rather build with blocks and I am not going to force a painting out of an architect. On other days your child may want to scribble with a big black crayon all over black construction paper. I don’t find this very appealing but I’ve never been a fan of Van Gogh before, either, so who am I to judge? Unless you are, in fact, an art critic, then who are you to judge?

I know a lot of daycares are sending home fancy artwork everyday and that is wonderful but it does make me wonder who is doing all the work and what your children are up to while the teachers cut and paste their designs together. I worked at one preschool that sent home a beautiful art project everyday and yet another that simply made materials available and let children do art as they pleased. When I was my own boss I opted for an in between method of assigning projects, providing materials and assistance and letting children do it their own way if they chose to do art that day.

Let your child be your receipt for childcare. Definitely be aware of whether or not supplies are available to him or her but don’t worry if you’re not getting something to put on the mantel every night. Judge the quality of care on your child’s health and happiness not the quality of the teacher’s intricate snowflake chain.

In Your Face

I just signed TBBS up on Facebook. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have a personal Facebook account but I have never ran a page before. Don’t worry, I’ll get it figured out. In the meanwhile it got me thinking about parents, providers and the social networking problem.
Should parents add their childcare providers as friends on Facebook or other social networking sites? My suggestion, hell no. As a provider I can tell you it is definitely not in our best interest, but I don’t think it’s good for you, the parent, either.
As we previously discussed, providers are people, too. During the designated hours we watch our mouths, edit our thoughts and keep socializing to a bare minimum. (Nannies, home care providers and babysitters may get some talk time in, center teachers are screwed.) As soon as we’re off the clock we are free to say or do what we please. I’m not sure how many parents can handle knowing their children spend the day with someone who spends the evening taking photos of herself in too much makeup making duck lips, or, even more likely in our chosen career, drinking at a local pub.
I’m not saying providers shouldn’t do these things. Well, no one should make duck lips. It is not attractive. Someone lied to you. I’m saying that as long as she (Can we, for the sake of the blog, assume she is a female? Call me sexist but it will make my writing flow easier. Sorry guys.) shows up to work and takes amazing care of your child, maybe you are better off not knowing she poses for pictures giving vodka bottles blow jobs and dressed up like a slutty nurse for Halloween. It might ruin your image of her.
If you’re friends with your nanny and every hour there is a new FarmVille request you might wonder, “Who the hell plays FarmVille all day?” or, “Where is my child while she is tending her crops?” Probably eating a snack, napping, playing blissfully on the carpet beside her, any number of safe activities that allow your nanny a moment to check in on her weird little hobby. (At least its not Mafia Wars?) You might be able to reason with yourself that if you have 5 minutes off and on throughout the day to check Facebook then surely so does she, but part of you will still be uncomfortable and curious.
If that discomfort isn’t enough for you, take a look at some of your acquaintences’ posts. You know the ones I mean. The oversharers. The chronically depressed. The relationship morons. The politically active loudmouths.
If you love your babysitter, don’t ruin a good thing. You don’t need to know about her UTI or how often she does laundry or that she is in an on again off again relationship with a guy that, even you can see just from her posts, isn’t that into her.
Resist the urge.